If I may have offended you recently in the course of our conversation, my apologies for the sentiment it may have cloaked your heart. I stand by what I had said. My turn to be your conscience. You have, all these years, been mine, nudging me to think things over again, to reconsider, to walk through the logic pathway, but to also meander through some worthy alcoves of kindness and consideration. Life, after all, is not completely logical. Neither are relationships, most of all, human beings. To this, I have been in your debt.
I always take comfort that you are one of these people I had good fortune to cross paths with, who does not have to announce their religious faith with pompous swagger, who does not have to punctuate their statements constantly with ostentatious pronouncements. You just are. In your actions, in your philosophies, in your opinions. Neither do you justify your good fortune and comfortable life with these alignments. I also appreciate your restraint in attempting to proselytize. I sense you respect my own chosen sensibilities about these matters. We do agree that this is all a journey that takes many stops and turns. Who knows where this will all lead us?
We always want to do what is right. But, we also run the risk of self-righteousness. Sometimes, what is right is not always what is best. We need to weigh the odds. Potential collateral damage. Doing what is best but ensuring there are no irreparable long-term ramifications.
I also know that you are more than anything, compassionate and kind. You like to help what you perceive as the down-trodden, regardless of how they got there. Even if it’s from their own doing or their flawed judgments. I can only hope you don’t believe you can reform all of them. This is where our beliefs take divergent paths. It is a religious tenet to believe people can change, with enough grace. It is scientific evidence that personality disorders do not. One can only change their behavior, but they remain what they are.
I know that in the end, you will do what is best, balancing it with what is right. I did too, a few years ago. I let the exit happen without the “nuclear option.” It took a lot of restraint. You had reminded me to be compassionate. I worked quietly with the same painstaking effort to complete the transaction, respecting and honoring the collective decision. I can only hope that long-term, this indeed was the best and optimal directive. That we would not have to face these demons when the rules of the game have changed. And the game will indeed change with new players joining in. I also have to think of what our responsibilities are to the new gamers knowing that we let some matters slide in those years. Have we sullied the game a little in the process? These considerations continue to niggle and whisper in my semi-conscious states.