“I don’t understand why you can’t. Or won’t.” She whimpered, acutely aware she sounded desperate.
He shrugged. “I don’t believe in it. You know that.” He continued looking intently at his laptop.
“But we’ve been together for 11 years now. Why can’t we?” She persisted.
Silence. Outside, the distant drone of evening traffic hummed along. The air seemed thick around them. She felt trapped. It was becoming hard to breathe. She continued to stare at his immobile face.
Finally, he turned and gazed at her steadily. “Look, if I ever wanted to, it wouldn’t be with you.”
“But I’m pregnant.”
She stared out the window with unseeing eyes, a cigarette between her fingers, suspended in mid-air. Someone touched her shoulder. She turned. “Oh hi, M.” She managed a wan smile as she clumsily tried to straighten her hospital gown.
“Hi, kiddo. How’s it going so far?” M tried to sound cheerful.
“Well,” she paused, “I guess this is what crazy people like me have to do.”
“You’re not crazy. Stop saying that.” M admonished her gently. “We all miss having you around.”
She struggled to find the words, while thoughts raced through her head in circles. “I’m so confused.”
M smiled reassuringly at the stranger who was her friend.
Fare Thee Well
There is no more pain nor distress, except in our shell-shocked hearts. There is only silence and the finality of the last moment. What becomes of the years walking the hallways and avenues of living? Is it just as meaningful anyway? And for whom?
You said that you have chosen your tomorrow well. You wanted us to be happy and to cheer you on.
And so, you put on your best face. We did not think it was all a charade.
There is this space in our days where you used to be. How do we fill it now?