We were giddy, giggly, wide-eyed teens with open vistas ahead of us. We lamented our typical teenage angst but we shared not the travails of the everyday man. We whispered on each other’s ears our juvenile longings, quasi intellectualism, even literary musings. And from this, we were content, as any sheltered lot would be.
We forged our separate ways over more than three decades with all the sociopolitical and economic upheavals forming the backdrop of our lives’ tales. And now we come to the midday hour of our lives, breathless, but not less energized. Wiser, we hope.
I often wonder how it would have been had our lives intersected more often. Could we have kept each other believing in our dreams? Could we have preempted the decay in our souls?
I mourn the loss of who you once were to me. Back then, I lived in perpetual awe of your capabilities. In my mind, you could do no wrong. You were the creative genius, the wise sage, in spite of your youth. It seemed, your talents had no bounds. You helped me raise my expectations even of myself. With you, I wanted to be the bennu of myself. But over the years, one by one, I watched your bubbles burst. You slowly cracked at the edges. Then you stumbled and crumbled.
I tried to help. We all tried to help. But it seems none of all this flurry of activity has mattered. The patchwork of your shattered self is forever sadly inadequate. The carapace around this amorphous core has become an impenetrable fortress. We have been forced to bear witness to the birth of a dragon that spewed bitterness and rage for narcissistic proclivity.
Yet, everyone asks, “Why do you all even bother to try?”
We want to believe in everything that was. That it was all real. Somewhere in the narrow remembrances of our youth, we are anchored by our experiences together. Somehow, we are convinced that we need to do all this in the present to validate who we were. That in spite of the ugliness, the muck and mud hurled through time at us and by us, we are still the genuine selves we girl scouts had promised we would be.